I am writing this a couple of days before my birthday. I will be 33. I don’t dread turning older. Partly because I regularly still get asked for i.d. in supermarkets but also because I feel content. Don’t get me wrong, there are things in life I would love to change, things I strive to change, but also things that sometimes are just not that important.
October is a weird month for me. On the one hand I have my birthday. On the other it’s also my mum’s birthday. 10 days before mine. Actually I should have been born on my mum’s birthday but decided not to arrive until 10 days after.
This year marked 23 years since my mum died. Just looking at that number makes me think. In my opinion you don’t ‘get over’ someone dying. You just find ways to cope. Some days I barely think about my mum. It’s taken me a while not to feel guilty about that phrasing but then I figured my mum would hate for me to be thinking about her and what could have been. Then there are times when it just hits me full in the face and it’s really painful.
Things I’ve learnt? Bereavement is unique. No situation is the same as another. You can go along in life thinking that you have dealt with something and then it just whacks you in the face and you have to accept you haven’t dealt with that thing.
I pride myself on the people I surround myself with. Over the years I have sought out and I know the people who I can call on to be funny and laugh and just make me believe that life is good and perhaps I don’t have the answer as to why my beautiful, amazing, kind, mum was taken from me. I don’t have any answers why my husband’s family is coping with war in their own land. I don’t have any answers.But I do have a husband who agrees for my friend to stay at mine whenever she wants. I have friends who will travel to see me. I have friends who will, pretty much on will, instantly come up with some funny song and send it to me.
And that, is the key as I approach my 33rd birthday. Surround yourself with good people who make you happy to be here. The rest of life is just how it is.