It’s natural at this time of year to reflect. To take stock of the positives and negatives from the last year and to plan for the forthcoming year.
When I was young, I had lots of plans and targets. I was aiming to be married by the time I was 24 and have 2 kids by the time I was 30 complete with a house and dog. That hasn’t happened but you know what? I think that is not necessarily a bad thing. I look back over the past years and I have no idea whether those dreams I had in the past would have come to fruition had I followed a different path.
So, now I just reflect over the year and look at what has happened. 2014 was not a great year it has to be said. One of the closest relations to me passed away quite suddenly. I knew that it would be tough but I hadn’t really fully appreciated the impact that her death would have on me. 2014 was definitely my year of hiding, blocking out my emotions and hoping that noone else would see the cracks inside of me. I would have succeeded as well had it not been for a few lovely friends who knew me well enough to gently challenge me and persuade me to get some help.
It was ironic really, having spent most of my volunteering life encouraging other people to get some help, I struggled to take that first step. I managed it and if 2014 was my ‘breakdown’ year, 2015 has definitely been my recovery year.
I’ve learnt lots this past year. How to reach out for help but also learn that sometimes you have to put yourself first. It’s not being selfish, it’s life. I’ve been lucky enough to have the space and support to grow at work and things are slowly starting to pay off I feel. I’ve learnt those friends who are there to make me laugh, to hug me when I’m weeping and to share in my joy when things are going right. I’ve also learnt about friends who find it difficult to be there for me. Not because they’re not good friends but because they’re not the type of friends that I needed at a particular time. And that’s okay.
I’ve learnt that my husband is… well words cannot express how amazing he is. I’ve learnt that there are other people in my family who I can speak to. I’ve learnt lots and I’m probably going to keep on learning for the rest of my life. And that’s okay.
Most of all I’ve learnt I’m not as invincible as I once thought and maybe I need to be better at explaining that to people.
So 2015 was my year of healing. 2016 will bring new challenges I’m sure.