Last week wasn’t a good week. I’ve been putting off writing this blog post because I don’t know how I’ll feel when I finish it. Normally I find blog post writing quite cathartic but that’s usually when I talk about something that makes me rant or something that I have worked through myself.
Last year I went through a bit of a difficult time but got some help and worked through it. Last week made me doubt my own progress slightly and have to take some time for myself.
Last week my husband experienced a death in the family. When he told me, he was speaking about the person involved and leaving children behind. Whilst comforting him, I obviously became sad for him but I also had all sorts of emotions from when I lost my own mum. I was struggling to keep it together because he was so upset but at the same time I didn’t quite know how to comfort him. As he is always there for me, I think I managed to cover my emotions but then he left to return to his family.
I don’t begrudge his time with his family, in fact I encouraged it. If it was possible I would have wanted to go to Libya with him. It just meant that I had to reflect, assess and cope with the emotions of sadness for my husband as well as the triggered emotions from my past.
I felt some of the thoughts that happened last year and it disappointed me. Like most people I think I probably fell into the trap of thinking that my mental health could be ‘fixed’. Instead I’ve realised that, for me, mental health is something that I’ll probably need to be aware of for some time. I spoke to some friends and reflected and I think I’ll get there. I think I’ll be okay to support my husband. I’m sure this too will pass but in the meantime I just need to make sure I take care of myself. I’ve already sensed difficulty with coping with things but I’ve also asked for help (eventually!).