I was really debating with myself about whether to write this blog but I’m just going to go for it because I find writing helps me a lot. I’ve compromised with myself by not posting the link on facebook but just on twitter because not many folk IRL follow me on twitter and those that do…well there’s a reason I follow them on Twitter because I trust them.
I don’t often speak about my marriage other than when I get irate about racism against Muslims and immigration. A couple of weeks I had a Talk with my husband. I spell Talk deliberately with a capital T because we spoke about a serious thing, whether we should stay together. Good news, we are staying together so you know this blog post has a happy ending already.
I won’t go into the ins and outs of the lead up to that discussion as it’s not really important anymore. It did however make me look at the reason for that conversation happening. It made me look at why I doubt that we are…well…meant to be together (pass the sick bucket). I thought I’d write about it.
Part of the Talk involved the fact we are completely different. Different countries, different cultures, different religion, different likes in music, different habits, different different different. Opposites attract right? Why do dating websites talk about ‘matching’ people, making matches in harmony? The conclusion I came to? Maybe looking at similarities rather than differences so for my husband we are similar in that we care about our friends and family, we both want children and we both like our own space.
We also don’t have children at the moment. I can’t think of any of my friends who have been married or in a long term relationship who haven’t had children. The pressure of people asking when we are having them, when will we hear the sound of tiny feet? The conclusion? It’s nobody’s business but ours when we have them and if we have them. People get married and don’t have children forever and they don’t spontaneously combust or die because they have no purpose in life.
There is also a part of me that recognises losing my mum when I was younger probably has had an impact greater than I originally thought. She left me so what will stop everyone else leaving me? The conclusion I came to? I’d rather be with my husband until that happens rather than make it happen now.
My husband has his faults, I’d never have met him on a dating website but I’m starting to accept we’re in it for the long haul. It only took me 9 years..