Self awareness is hard!

The title of this blog post says it all really. Over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling quite…erratic I guess is the word. Although on the outside I portray relative calmness at work, inside my brain it has felt like a whirling washing machine. The result has been fluctuating mood swings at home, mainly at the expense of my poor husband.

My husband is the one person who can make me feel calm. I’m not saying he is the only one who is supportive as he’s not. I have a few close friends who I know support me and do so very well but he is the one who can turn the whirling spin circle and make it slow down.

I haven’t shared this time with friends because the mood changes haven’t been happening for that long. Already today I can feel the spin cycle slowing down which is partly why I feel able to write this blog post. Today I came home from work after a long day and whereas other long days have resulted in nervous energy which has made me feel very awake and unable to sleep, tonight I am already starting to feel calm and sleepy.

I guess I’ve somehow developed self awareness because a year ago, I wouldn’t have even identified the feeling. I would have brushed it to one side and moved on until it came to the point where I was unable to brush it off.

I’m trying to slow things down in my life which is really hard and I fluctuate between making immediate plans to being sensible and recognising that I need some time to myself, to help the washing machine to slow right down.

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