Another year older

It’s my birthday today. I’ve reached the ripe old age of 36. Age has never really meant a massive amount to me. Losing my mum when she was 38 probably has an impact as I know that people die when they are young, old, everything in between.

Yet birthdays do make me reflect. I have been really struggling at work recently. Although I think I made the right move, I am not convinced it is the right job for me. In reality I know it is not the right job for me, yet I’m so stubborn I don’t actually want to admit it.

It’s made me look back at my previous role and recognise the value of that role and it’s helped me to identify what I want in my career. It’s made me more ambitious and for that, I’m thankful.

I’ve given myself until Christmas to allow time for change but ultimately to work out what I want to do. I’ve started that plan already as I’m halfway through my counselling course and I know that counselling is for me. I struggle to say I’m good at something but I know I would be good at counselling. So that’s my plan. To find a role where I can study and long term to set up my own counselling business.

This weekend made me face up to my dad not being very well. My dad and stepmum visited and it was hard to see my dad. I always thought he was invincible but this weekend has made me realise he’s not. I’ve shed masses of tears in the past 4 days and I think there will be plenty more.

On the flip side, work helped me come into contact with some of the most beautiful caring people I’ve ever met in my life. Birthday messages (and presents!) have reinforced what I already know, I have people around me who make me feel truly blessed and fortunate. Counselling last night made me realise how much I truly hide behind my calm exterior. Sometimes calm people are paddling the most but they also have people around them to come and rescue them.

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