Yesterday I went for an interview at a university for a place on a counselling and psychotherapy course. It kinda blew my mind a little bi, particularly the group exercise and thankfully I met with one of my best friends after for tea so she helped me to process a little bit by talking about it.
The group exercise involved ‘an empty chair’ exercise. I think this is probably well known amongst counselling circles but I’d never heard of it. It involves an element of psychodrama so I had to pretend to be someone who knew me and talk about me. Confused? Yep me too!
I chose to be my husband as he’s probably the one person who knows me the best. I spoke about how I loved my family and friends, maybe gives too much to some things and struggles with the concept of failure. One of the fellow students said, what does your husband give to your marriage and you…did I mention this exercise blew my mind?
Thinking about it…my husband is my constant. He is the one I go to in order to retain balance and become more grounded and present in the moment. When he is away (as he is at the moment and has been for 3 weeks), my mind is more erratic, my thoughts become overwhelming, although thankfully not harmful, and I find it difficult to focus on anything.
I’ve always been very aware of sharing my time between my friends and family and not prioritising my husband. I’m frightened of being one of ‘those friends’ who cancel plans because their partner offers them a better opportunity. I’m frightened of admitting exactly how much I depend on my husband and how much my mental health relies on my husband.
It’s really made me think because actually why do I feel bad about prioritising my husband and saying exactly how much he means to me? I’m not saying I will turn into one of ‘those friends’ but I’m determined when he comes back that I’ll say all of this to him. I’ll spend more time with him. Because he’s pretty awesome and he makes me feel like my moods and thoughts can be controlled. I’m still the only one who can physically control them but he’s the one who empowers and facilitates that happening. Oh, and my friends and family are still amazing and supportive and I don’t think I’ll ever be the type to rock up to every occasion with my husband. But if I did…it would be okay.