Another post

I haven’t blogged in a while. It seemed difficult to blog without mentioning the current situation and yet there is so much information about what is going on. I almost felt like I didn’t want to add to it. Then I got over myself and realised I was assuming people read my blog. Which is lovely if you do but it was always meant to be a space for me to dump all my thoughts in my head out there.

Life has changed. There is some element of trauma. I read a piece recently saying trauma is a distortion of everyday life and everyday life is being distorted. Are we all on some level being traumatised?

I’m scared. Not solely of the virus but of the impact on humanity because, to be blunt, life will be different.

I acknowledge the fact that every dark has light, every happiness has sadness. The virus has slowed life down. It has made people look at their individual life and assess it. For me, and that is the only life I can truly comment on, I realise that I have been packing too much in. I plan and pack events in because I want to be visible and important because I lost an important person in my life and I feel a responsibility to live my life to the max.

I love being at home. I love my husband being there when I wake up and when I’m working. We have rarely argued. It’s a surprise to me but it’s almost like the enforced stay at home is making me realise I don’t have to pack it all in and I can just be at home.

I miss people. I miss my parents and family. I missed my dad the other day as things have changed with his condition and I just wanted to drive there. I miss my friends. I’m worried about my friend who is a paramedic. About my other friend who is out there on the frontline supporting young people.

Yet this virus is making me reach out. Where once a whole conversation would be by text message, I’m phoning, I’m whatsapping, I’m video calling. I’m connecting.

And you may read this thinking I’m coping. I am. Sometimes. But I’m worried about what will come after. I’m lucky I’m in a safe environment at home. I have a stable income and an understanding landlord. Many don’t. I am but one person. I feel the work will really start when things resume to ‘normality’. Because it is truly a different normal. And I don’t know how I feel about that.

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