The past few weeks have been testing and difficult. Perhaps I became a little complacent as I had some really good weeks with lots of positive feelings and a sense of calm.
I can’t even pinpoint what was going on in my life and it’s difficult to explain my feelings, even now when my mood has lifted. I was extremely unsettled, shaky and very lethargic. It was really difficult for me to tell whether I was simply under the weather or whether it was my mood. Either way it was a challenging few weeks.
The difference is I talked about it. I spoke about things at work where luckily I have some extremely supportive work colleagues who gave me some advice and gave me the space I needed. I reached out to a couple of friends who were there singing along and cracking jokes when I needed them the most.
Thursday evening was great and my mood had started to lift made all the better by catching up with a friend from school. I came home feeling content and then my husband dropped a bombshell by explaining he would be going away (which I knew) until Thursday (rather than Tuesday). Those who know me know how much my husband means to me even though I avoid gushing about him too much. He is one of the most calm people I know and, since the passing of my nan, has been the person I lean on. Immediately I panicked and there were lots of tears but in the back of my head I knew he needed to go. i felt so bad for my husband as he felt awful about going and I felt like the weakest person in the world that night needing him to be at home.
Friday I went to work and again work colleagues were very supportive without even realising how I was feeling. I was resigned to going home and crying into my takeaway. Then I was saved! A friend rang asking me if I wanted to meet after work for a chat and I then decided to go to a comedy night with a few work friends. I was so relieved I took the plunge and went as it was exactly what I needed, lots of laughter and good company.
The first comedian was good. The second one was absolutely amazing. His name is Lee Ridley (aka Lost Voice Guy). He has cerebral palsy and he has no voice with mobility problems. The reason I mention he has cerebral palsy is that it is part of his act. He uses an ipad to communicate and I came out still laughing.
I loved his act so much because he is a genuinely funny comedian and didn’t allow his disability to stop him following his dreams, and after all why should it? He addresses any thoughts people may have by pointing them out himself with great comedic timing. He was completely genuine and open and clearly thought the world about his family and the support network he has. One of the things that made me giggle was his story about taking his time in the taxi on the way here as he pretended to be the sat nav. You had to be there.
He inspired me. Not because he has a disability but because he is achieving hischose to put himself out there just like every other comedian and say ‘This is me, accept me or don’t but this is me’. I can safely say that the audience last night accepted was incredibly polite and lovely when I approached him to thank him for the show. He regularly interacts with people on his twitter account and I’d love to see him again.
So as I headed home I realised my mood had gone. Not completely, it’s still bubbling under but I think it’s about recognising not only when you have a mood but sometimes pushing yourself to do something that will help your mood to lift.
Plug time, please check out Lost Voice Guy, he’s touring at the moment, he’s brilliant.